Posted by madwar on 06/07/2020
The love of my life

On 05/29/2020 my husband and I had just eaten dinner and were watching TV when he had what I believe to be a seizure and threw up. I got him on his side as fast as I could but he had thrown up when his head was tilted backwards during the seizure, I heard gargling and then he stopped breathing. As soon I pulled him off the couch and got him on the floor on his back, the paramedics show up and took over. The first thing I saw was him pale and blue and one of the paramedics checked for a pulse. I for sure thought it was over but they told me they were going to do everything they could. They proceeded to give him 4 rounds of CPR. I swear they were working on him for at least 20 minutes. They got him to breathe and a heartbeat but they made it clear that it was all assisted and was not breathing on his own. When we got to the hospital, after what seemed forever, the doctor came and told us he was in very critical condition. The hospital was not allowing anyone to visit due to COVID 19 but I was there until 3 am and the nurses snuck my mom and I into see him since there was a VERY real chance that would have been the last time. I held his hand and told him I love him and everything was going to be okay and there was little movement and my mom talked to him and said she is going to take of me so he didn't have to worry. They did hypothermic therapy for the first 24 hours. The next update I got was that he tolerated it well, was on the ventilator, still sedated. The next day they were able to move the ventilator to minimal settings and he started moving his extremities and open his eyes but not following commands the nurse made it clear it could still go either way. The next day he was breathing on his own, following commands. When he first woke up he was hysterically crying and inconsolable. It broke my heart I was not right there by his side. He was transferred out of the ICU to the neurology department and was still very confused and didn't know why he was there so he not very cooperative with the nurses. There would be a coherent moment when I was able to tell him what happened and he understood and he would cooperate right away because he understood for the moment being. He would forget very easily. It was the same conversation multiple times a day. He would call me and ask what happened. I would tell him and he would get scared and ask why I didn't tell him. He also didn't remember there was a pandemic going on so he was constantly asking why I was not there. It absolutely broke my heart. The next day they had to put a 24hr medical hold on him because he had been hallucinating and was scared and confused all day. He would go into detail about these missions he was going on. He thought wasn't in the hospital. He didn't know who I was and didn't believe that we were married. At some point he was convinced he was back in the marines at his barracks and he thought I was his ex. He hasn't been in the marines or with his ex in 7 years. I broke down. They ended up having to strap him down because he called 911 and told them he was being held hostage and was trying to leave. They had him on A LOT of anxiety and pain meds so the next day they didn't give him barely any. He was in a lot of pain but was the most coherent he had ever been. He knew exactly who I was and was able to talk and text like normal. He just had to ask a lot of the same questions still which was such a 180 from the day before. After he was not hallucinating and he was coherent that whole night, he was discharged the next morning on 06/04/2020 so all of this happened within 6 nights and 7 days. It was truly the best-case scenario. He came home and was having short term memory problems and couldn't remember stuff from months ago. He had to ask about who our last dog was, what breed he was and he asked what happened to him and I had to tell him he got very sick about a year ago. We sat there and cried and cried. Now once I start to tell him things that happened, he is able to remember. He was still asking a lot of the same questions over and over. As of today, he is not asking questions over and over and he is able to remember some things short term. He is still hazy about some things but he has been improving daily.

However, I find myself more worried now that he is out of the hospital. Once I found out he was going to be okay I knew he was safe because they were monitoring everything but I'm not able to do that so I am constantly making sure he is breathing when he sleeps, checking his temperature, etc. I am always on the verge of panic it feels like.