My Story

Hello! I am a 42yr old mother of 3 children (10,7,4). We had an event happen that has changed us dramatically; and quite honestly, I am having a hard time dealing with it.
(The beginning of the story is told from my husband's point of view because I have no memory of it) On the night of July 28,2013, about 9:30pm, I had just finished up doing some abdominal exercises and was still sitting on the floor. I have a history of irregular heart rythyms (SVT) but nothing lethal. I was apparently talking with my hunny when he says there was a break in the conversation for a few seconds. His attention diverted to the TV and about 10sec or less he heard me make a groaning or gasping sound...and then fall backwards.
He said he called my name and asked if I was ok...but I had no response. My color immediately went bad. As he quickly got out of his chair to come to me he prayed a quick "God help me do what I need to do" prayer. (about 6 months prior, we both had renewed our healthcare provider CPR). He started CPR and (because he is on the local volunteer fire dept) he called Fire Chief and abruptly announced he needed a firefighter and a AED (I had worked in a hospital for 12 yrs and told him many times about the importance of early defibrillation). The fire crew arrived with the AED and shocked me 3 times. (I found out later that I had been in V-Fib). When loading me in the ambulance, they no longer needed to cont CPR but still had to support my breathing at times.
According to my husband, once at the hospital, the ER doctor decreased my core body temperature to help decrease effects from loss of O2. I was on a vent for a few days (not sure how long). I have no memory of the first week and even after that it is patchy for a few more days.
I am fully recovered, with a implanted defibrillator/pacemaker.
My oldest kid saw my husband doing CPR on me...that bothers me a great deal. Since this has happened, my kids bring it up a lot, (which it totally fine and good) but I "weirds' me out!! They refer to it as "when you died". I can only say "when my heart did its thing." It is like saying the word "Cancer" ...I just bring myself to say what actually happened. I am still having some trouble with V-Tach and have one episode a couple months ago of V-Fib again where my defib did its job and shocked me after I passed out.
When I am "not feeling well" because of heart rythyms irregularities I have to make sure my oldest knows where my phone is "just in case." I don't like doing that!! I know that is apparently reality now...but I don't like it. I am 42 yrs old and have young kids. I usually am very much a "call it like it is" person but I am having a very difficult time with this. Obviously I am extremely grateful that things turned out the way they did but I am having a difficult time dealing with what has happened. Kind of like post traumatic stress or something.
Any advice??
thank you in advance!